oh... i know what to tell u for today, mr bloggie... well, today i don't have much class, only one minor class at 2pm till 4pm. before that i had meeting with my supervisor regarding to my final year project (or thesis). but then... something kinda hurt me happens today. not my feeling, more like my dignity? or faithfulness? idk how to explain, but here is the stories.
after our minor class, i followed my friends to her house, to take her things, like printer, notes and so on. then... after that, since the 4 of us are hungry, we decided to go to any restaurant, to eat something ofcourse, as we ordered our food, and waiting for it to comes, we chit chatting... and suddenly, this one friend asked me why do i have 2 phones. i said, one is digi, one is celcom (the networks). she ask me again "what is that for? why?" so i told her "i don't really use digi, only contact emily and haj (my fake 'cousin')"... she kinda get what i said like... i have this number because i use it to contact my ex boyfriend, and now i don't really use it because we both broke up. so she ask me "why? u got new person in ur life?" it may sounds kinda annoying, but she doesn't really mean to say it in that way. she was just kidding. since i don't know how to answer her question, so i just said "nope, it is quite hard to explain." and we change the topic after that.
the one who asked about the question is actually my best friend, i call her umi. i forgot to snap picture with her. i will tomorrow. promised. in my past, i mean, during my second year (my 4th semester), in which i still in a relationship with my ex boyfriend, called nizam. and during that time, we both aren't in a good terms, we fight most of the time.
idk how does it happens, but suddenly i become close with this one guy through our college activities. he was like... how to say, i am once attracted to him, but he is not my crush at all. he is like... ermm.. more to someone i think handsome physically? yeah... and i kinda remember his face because he was once pissed me off when he cut the line, and he was so noisy with his friends. i don't like guy who love to act like that, they annoyed me (this happen during my 1st semester, in 2009). but still i think he is the most handsome one among them.
we are close, we text... and chat. but outside kinda awkward. idky... i thought we both are close, so i sometimes just joking around with him. but then, he smile and idk. he don't treat me like the others, he is kinda noisy with other, but when it comes to me, he stay silent. weird guy. so my friend (umi) thought that i like him, i had a crush on him. but honestly i don't. because during that time, i pretty sure that i really love my boyfriend. he is the only one for me. but then, things between us get rough, we fight, and we don't contact each other, this happen not because of that guy, i feel so insecure, i don't have the confident to take care of him in future, so i unconsciously made up a lot of reasons causing him to doubt me, say that i have someone else... and we didn't contact each other since the 4th semester break.
then, i still contacted with the guy i grew close. since my friends thought that i like him, they was like supporting me, and encourage me to tell him i like him. leading me to have a thought that i like him when i am actually feeling lonely because i don't have my boyfriend to be lovey dovey. but then, i know that this guy was actually likes someone from my class. so i kinda help him to approach that girl. at that moment, i realize that i don't like him actually.
so... that is why my friend ask me "why? u got new person in ur life?" when i said, i am no longer use this digi number. she doesn't know the fact that i don't like that guy. no one know i don't like this guy, everyone thinks that i like him because i talk about him sometimes on twitter and tumblr... and that is because he confused me with his behaviour.
when i'm in my 5th semester (it was in 2011), i know oyaji. i get into the same english class with him. i was attracted to him ever since i know someone name oyaji is exist in our class. because his name was so weird, plus he is weird. in addition, i like it when he talk. he have the confidence to talk, and his english accent is wow! the way he thinks so different from others... in another words, he is smart. and that attracted me. idk since when did i like him. i feel something unusual when he sit close to me (which is behind me). i am trembling sometimes when he talks to me. ask my name as so... idk why. and i just naturally avoid him when i saw him from far. i don't want to bump into him. i don't want to talk to him, because i feel so uneasy. i can't talk properly.
i still remember when he lend me his book, as i want to give it back to him, i dropped his bookmark. so i was like "is this yours?" before he answer me, my friend was like "are u giving this to fiffy?" and he was like "yeah... i was about to give it to fiffy. just take it." and he smiles. omg i was like.... omg omg... why u looks so handsome.. i can feel the blood rush into my face. i feel hot all of sudden, eventhough it is very cold to be exact. i don't even say thanks to him. and now i lost that bookmark, pretty much like misplace it. because i keep it in my novel, and i don't even bring my novel anywhere except my house.
during this period, me and my boyfriend still in a bad condition, i mean, i contacted him, during his birthday, to wish him. (august 2011, i still don't know oyaji during this time) but he ignore me. and he text me after some time. (right after i think i like oyaji) ever since then, we are in the good term. i even decided to do my internship at the peninsular malaysia, just to meet him.
i was so confused during this semester, whether do i love my boyfriend or i like oyaji more. because as i'm with my boyfriend, i still can't get rid the feeling i had for oyaji. but i decided to forget oyaji, to move on, because i am in a relationship with my ex boyfriend, plus i had a feeling that he likes someone else. idk.. my instinct said so. that is why i try to avoid him, not talking to him when my friends are busy chit chatting with him, i remain silent. not making eye contact with him, not staring at his face, and even telling myself that he is actually not charming. but still... i cannot.
until the 5th semester on break. where i stick with my ex boyfriend, and i didn't get to see/meet oyaji. but we meet on twitter and facebook though. i followed him (already unfollow him now), then i added him on facebook. we are friends, but not talking to each other. so i automatically forget about him, plus i had my boyfriend right beside me.
once again, our relationship ruined (around july 2012). this time because of his insecurities, he is blind fyi. he can't see, so i hope u understand why i don't have the confidence to take care of him during our first crisis. i was once fight with him because i want him to accompany me to watch movie, i want to have that feeling to, to watch movie with ur boyfriend. so i ask him to. at first, he said ok, i will. but when i get excited he said he won't accompany me. so i mad at him, and we fight. and since then, he keep mentioning about me giving up on him. he starts to avoid me, not calling me as usual, sometimes he don't even contact me, saying that he was busy. i was so sad.
and during this time... oyaji come. he start the conversation, he pm me. and we grow closer than before. and i start to tell him the problem about my relationship. as we grow closer, i start to have that weird feelings back. no matter how much do i try to avoid, i failed. i try to contact my boyfriend, telling him i want to meet him, and he reject me. i told him i miss him so much, he said he miss me too. but still... he don't want to meet me. we fight again and again. and so...
things get serious when i start to miss oyaji presence in my life, so i wrote on his facebook, stating that i miss him. i was so bold. he pm me, due to my bold message on his wall. i apologize, and ask him should i delete it? he said no need. so i said, i promised not to post something like that in the future. expecting him to reply ok. but then he said "it's ok, if u want to avoid misunderstanding, u can text or message me. or u can still write it on my wall, stating i miss u, i love u whatever but keep it secret. like the post only visible to the both of us." i was like... seriously? oyaji? u don't even mad at me? and thinking, is he expecting me to say i love u?
he also gave me his number... we text when i can't appear online. there is this one time, the first day we exchange our number, we text all day, and stop during night. because i was busy, i'm on duty at the moment. and latter... when i was still working, he text me "fiffy, are u okay?" so i reply "i'm ok. why? u miss me?" i was just kidding, expecting he will troll along with me. but then when i get his text it sounds so serious "what would you react if i say yes?" so i reply him "i feel happy. who in the world wouldn't feel happy if someone miss them?" then he said "haha... fiffy3, busy?" and sooo.... when i get home, i check my facebook message, he buzz me. he thought i wasn't replying his message. that is why he text me asking am i ok. and for that day, i forgot that my boyfriend didn't even contact me...
me & oyaji was so close and suddenly we don't.
idk why do i talk about this all of sudden. maybe because of the question from my friend? ugh.. i need to get a sleep. night peeps. please just ignore this. i really need to get this out, my confusion. at least, when i grow old, i can read about my stupidity during my young days..
see how serious am i to post this without emoticons. =='
after our minor class, i followed my friends to her house, to take her things, like printer, notes and so on. then... after that, since the 4 of us are hungry, we decided to go to any restaurant, to eat something ofcourse, as we ordered our food, and waiting for it to comes, we chit chatting... and suddenly, this one friend asked me why do i have 2 phones. i said, one is digi, one is celcom (the networks). she ask me again "what is that for? why?" so i told her "i don't really use digi, only contact emily and haj (my fake 'cousin')"... she kinda get what i said like... i have this number because i use it to contact my ex boyfriend, and now i don't really use it because we both broke up. so she ask me "why? u got new person in ur life?" it may sounds kinda annoying, but she doesn't really mean to say it in that way. she was just kidding. since i don't know how to answer her question, so i just said "nope, it is quite hard to explain." and we change the topic after that.
the one who asked about the question is actually my best friend, i call her umi. i forgot to snap picture with her. i will tomorrow. promised. in my past, i mean, during my second year (my 4th semester), in which i still in a relationship with my ex boyfriend, called nizam. and during that time, we both aren't in a good terms, we fight most of the time.
idk how does it happens, but suddenly i become close with this one guy through our college activities. he was like... how to say, i am once attracted to him, but he is not my crush at all. he is like... ermm.. more to someone i think handsome physically? yeah... and i kinda remember his face because he was once pissed me off when he cut the line, and he was so noisy with his friends. i don't like guy who love to act like that, they annoyed me (this happen during my 1st semester, in 2009). but still i think he is the most handsome one among them.
we are close, we text... and chat. but outside kinda awkward. idky... i thought we both are close, so i sometimes just joking around with him. but then, he smile and idk. he don't treat me like the others, he is kinda noisy with other, but when it comes to me, he stay silent. weird guy. so my friend (umi) thought that i like him, i had a crush on him. but honestly i don't. because during that time, i pretty sure that i really love my boyfriend. he is the only one for me. but then, things between us get rough, we fight, and we don't contact each other, this happen not because of that guy, i feel so insecure, i don't have the confident to take care of him in future, so i unconsciously made up a lot of reasons causing him to doubt me, say that i have someone else... and we didn't contact each other since the 4th semester break.
then, i still contacted with the guy i grew close. since my friends thought that i like him, they was like supporting me, and encourage me to tell him i like him. leading me to have a thought that i like him when i am actually feeling lonely because i don't have my boyfriend to be lovey dovey. but then, i know that this guy was actually likes someone from my class. so i kinda help him to approach that girl. at that moment, i realize that i don't like him actually.
so... that is why my friend ask me "why? u got new person in ur life?" when i said, i am no longer use this digi number. she doesn't know the fact that i don't like that guy. no one know i don't like this guy, everyone thinks that i like him because i talk about him sometimes on twitter and tumblr... and that is because he confused me with his behaviour.
when i'm in my 5th semester (it was in 2011), i know oyaji. i get into the same english class with him. i was attracted to him ever since i know someone name oyaji is exist in our class. because his name was so weird, plus he is weird. in addition, i like it when he talk. he have the confidence to talk, and his english accent is wow! the way he thinks so different from others... in another words, he is smart. and that attracted me. idk since when did i like him. i feel something unusual when he sit close to me (which is behind me). i am trembling sometimes when he talks to me. ask my name as so... idk why. and i just naturally avoid him when i saw him from far. i don't want to bump into him. i don't want to talk to him, because i feel so uneasy. i can't talk properly.
i still remember when he lend me his book, as i want to give it back to him, i dropped his bookmark. so i was like "is this yours?" before he answer me, my friend was like "are u giving this to fiffy?" and he was like "yeah... i was about to give it to fiffy. just take it." and he smiles. omg i was like.... omg omg... why u looks so handsome.. i can feel the blood rush into my face. i feel hot all of sudden, eventhough it is very cold to be exact. i don't even say thanks to him. and now i lost that bookmark, pretty much like misplace it. because i keep it in my novel, and i don't even bring my novel anywhere except my house.
during this period, me and my boyfriend still in a bad condition, i mean, i contacted him, during his birthday, to wish him. (august 2011, i still don't know oyaji during this time) but he ignore me. and he text me after some time. (right after i think i like oyaji) ever since then, we are in the good term. i even decided to do my internship at the peninsular malaysia, just to meet him.
i was so confused during this semester, whether do i love my boyfriend or i like oyaji more. because as i'm with my boyfriend, i still can't get rid the feeling i had for oyaji. but i decided to forget oyaji, to move on, because i am in a relationship with my ex boyfriend, plus i had a feeling that he likes someone else. idk.. my instinct said so. that is why i try to avoid him, not talking to him when my friends are busy chit chatting with him, i remain silent. not making eye contact with him, not staring at his face, and even telling myself that he is actually not charming. but still... i cannot.
until the 5th semester on break. where i stick with my ex boyfriend, and i didn't get to see/meet oyaji. but we meet on twitter and facebook though. i followed him (already unfollow him now), then i added him on facebook. we are friends, but not talking to each other. so i automatically forget about him, plus i had my boyfriend right beside me.
once again, our relationship ruined (around july 2012). this time because of his insecurities, he is blind fyi. he can't see, so i hope u understand why i don't have the confidence to take care of him during our first crisis. i was once fight with him because i want him to accompany me to watch movie, i want to have that feeling to, to watch movie with ur boyfriend. so i ask him to. at first, he said ok, i will. but when i get excited he said he won't accompany me. so i mad at him, and we fight. and since then, he keep mentioning about me giving up on him. he starts to avoid me, not calling me as usual, sometimes he don't even contact me, saying that he was busy. i was so sad.
and during this time... oyaji come. he start the conversation, he pm me. and we grow closer than before. and i start to tell him the problem about my relationship. as we grow closer, i start to have that weird feelings back. no matter how much do i try to avoid, i failed. i try to contact my boyfriend, telling him i want to meet him, and he reject me. i told him i miss him so much, he said he miss me too. but still... he don't want to meet me. we fight again and again. and so...
things get serious when i start to miss oyaji presence in my life, so i wrote on his facebook, stating that i miss him. i was so bold. he pm me, due to my bold message on his wall. i apologize, and ask him should i delete it? he said no need. so i said, i promised not to post something like that in the future. expecting him to reply ok. but then he said "it's ok, if u want to avoid misunderstanding, u can text or message me. or u can still write it on my wall, stating i miss u, i love u whatever but keep it secret. like the post only visible to the both of us." i was like... seriously? oyaji? u don't even mad at me? and thinking, is he expecting me to say i love u?
he also gave me his number... we text when i can't appear online. there is this one time, the first day we exchange our number, we text all day, and stop during night. because i was busy, i'm on duty at the moment. and latter... when i was still working, he text me "fiffy, are u okay?" so i reply "i'm ok. why? u miss me?" i was just kidding, expecting he will troll along with me. but then when i get his text it sounds so serious "what would you react if i say yes?" so i reply him "i feel happy. who in the world wouldn't feel happy if someone miss them?" then he said "haha... fiffy3, busy?" and sooo.... when i get home, i check my facebook message, he buzz me. he thought i wasn't replying his message. that is why he text me asking am i ok. and for that day, i forgot that my boyfriend didn't even contact me...
me & oyaji was so close and suddenly we don't.
idk why do i talk about this all of sudden. maybe because of the question from my friend? ugh.. i need to get a sleep. night peeps. please just ignore this. i really need to get this out, my confusion. at least, when i grow old, i can read about my stupidity during my young days..
see how serious am i to post this without emoticons. =='
Comments
who said this post is boring..?? it's not at all..!!
we quite have a similar life.. bein a uni student and have a super complicated life... gahh.. me, miss my childhood so much.. ^^
You miss him sissy. And I understand that because you're too attached to him. I mean, you guys were close and you miss being with him. I once experienced this. I even blog about this before. We were good friend and I fell for him, he kinda knew that I like him but we were okay. OMG. I miss it. I miss him. <//3 He took care of me because I don't have many friends at school. I am so sad that we don't even talk to each other now although we are always classmates every term. OMG. This post made me miss him. huhuhu
The guy im referring.. we used to hang out together before.. with his cousin. almost everyday we are together, eat lunch together, sit together and go everywhere together. there was even a time when he ad to leave me because he has some appointments to do. and he was like, "hey classmate. could you take care of her for me? don't leave for. accompany her." he said that one of our classmates and he smiled at me and told me he'll be back and he went off... omg.. now i am missing him more!!!!!