BE FREE

looking back at my old posts.......... all i do i sighing and smiling and thinking about how silly am i to do such post. lmao. but it's okay. we all silly. we all learn day by day. life's a journey. i can see how i jump from another crush to another crush and to another crush. well it's actually not that much of crush. i did mentioned my ex lover when i was in my college (we about to get serious and his mom come to me said i wasnt good enough for his son) and go to mr Y (remember... oyaji?) lol. that guy is purely just a crush. i once believe that what i felt for him is love. teensssss.... /sighs/ did i mentioned about my nepali boyfriend. who i know when i transfer to another branch of sushi king(klcc)?  i believe i did. cos i saw chan mali chan post, yeah it was him. i read again that post. it make me cringe so bad i wanted to throw my laptop. luckily i'm "matured" enough to think about the money i try to collect in the past month. working my as off. ...

Love was cruel,     as i stood proud;     he showed me you,     and i was bowed.   he deftly dealt,     his swiftest blow-     i feel further than,     i was meant to go.    and he ashamed,     of what he'd caused,     knew from then,     that i was yours.   that he, an echo,     and you, the sound- i loved you more,     than love allowed. Memories, Lang Leav (pg193)

I am not sure why i cry on the thought of u going back to ur place. Is it because i don't want to be alone? Is it because no one will fight and argue with me? Is it because i can't be silly with anyone? Is it because no one will call me fatty and cute and beautiful at the same time? Is it because no one will sees me as his best after u are gone? Is it because no one will kiss me like u do? Is it because no one will touch me like u do? Is it because no one will look at me like u do? Is it because no one will stay by my side when i am all angry and moody? Is it because i love you? Or is it because i afraid to be alone? Or is it because i don't want to be alone? Or did i just loved u too much to let u go? I thought i was cool enough to let u go when it is time... But dear... can u stay just a little? I got a hole in my heart that only u can fill it. Don't leave me alone.

Would you stay just a little, my love? Would you sway just a little, my love? Cause the hole in the middle of my heart needs filling up If you stay just a little that's enough It kills me as I lay awake at night Remembering the last kiss that we shared doesn't feel right Is it impossible for me to win this fight? Keep you a little longer in my life Would you stay just a little, my love? Would you sway just a little, my love? Cause the hole in the middle of my heart needs filling up If you stay just a little that's enough Cause the hole the hole in the middle of my heart needs filling up If you stay just a little If you stay just a little That's enough...

Remember when i thought i COULD NOT forget Y? Remember when u feel the heart ache when he shows zero interest? Remember all the silly dreams? lmao. ok STAPH. -___-' Hahahaha... Now, when someone asked me how is Mr Y? I was like... Hmmm who Mr Y? Y who? LOL. Fifi so lame. You thought your feeling could last longer. But NO . Who knows that one month in Sushi King KLCC could change everything. Now, I'm totally a different person. A person who loves sincerely without wanting him to stay here. Errr... i lied. I wanted him to stay here but... yeah things a bit difficult. Love is not difficult, but human are. Put that aside. I am completely happy to be with him. He is mean. mean. mean... mean... and mean... then silly. and sweet. and then bitter. :P but he care about me a lot. he understand me a lot. he knows what i want without me telling him. We both together for about hmm 5 months? yeah sure u guys will say only 5 months ofcourse everything is nice and sweet. But u couldn...

i dont even know what goes in my mind lately. the girls and b1a4 case pretty much gives me the clue about what kind of judgement i'll get once i reveal things i've done. all those sins. all the criticism all the insults i have to accept... but it's ok. never in my life i insult or judge other people for what they do. never do i talk about other people sins, cos i know i've done a lot more than them. i feel so sorry to my family. but... what's done is done. it's ok. i'll get over it by time... time will heal everything. it's ok to be hurt. i never regret my decision. he is the best thing happen in my life. i never regret knowing him. -___-=

And taught me what this feels like And then how it feels to lose it And you showed me who I wanted And then who I wasn't And you ticked every box And then drew a line And you weren't mine to begin with And then not to end with And you looked like everything I wanted And the became something I hated And you get thought of everyday And then not in a good way And you let me leave And then wish I'd stayed And you almost killed me But I didn't die. I wrote this for you